Thursday, February 25, 2010

Good news from the EX

I know this is supposed to be the worst day so far, but I have something to celebrate; my evil succubus, life sucking scum bag ex-wife is finally getting re-married. This is good news, but it reminds me of the 13 years of torture and servitude that I spent married to that broomless witch. Talk about a grouping of bad years. I take it back what I said before about the 80’s, 1994 to 2007 were the worst years of my life.
I’ll give you some background. I was a young guy when I met the girl who would be my first wife. She was pretty and experienced in ways that I wasn’t. When I say this, what I mean is that I was a nerd and she was a druggie slut. Now you are thinking…he’s just being bitter and angry and venting on his poor Ex. Maybe that is an underlying motive, but it doesn’t detract from the fact that she went to drug rehab twice before I met her and had already had an aborted attempt at someone Else's child.
She was, in fact, a slut. All my friends tried to tell me so, even the ones that had previously had their pinkle in her mouth tried to tell me to run away. Did I listen? Noooo, of course not. That would have been the wise and prudent thing to do.
I was a nerdy guy. I had this lame idea that rehabbed sluts with drug problems are people too, and deserve love and consideration. Life experience has taught me otherwise. As a matter of fact, let me make this public service announcement:

DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A DRUGGIE SLUT!
Sure, have fun with them and put your pinkle in their mouth, but don’t buy the cow. Knowledge is power.

It took no time at all before we started having sex. This is sarcasm on my part because I had never had sex before, and she had enough to last her entire life ( evidenced by the notable absence of intimacy from our marriage relationship). Considering how things happen to work out in my life, wouldn’t you know it, she got pregnant the first time. At that point, I was too stupid to see this for the tragedy that it really was. I did what I thought was the responsible thing, and married her.
I’ll go into more detail in the future of the horror of my first marriage, but the point is, the wicked witch is getting married again and so ends my seemingly eternal financial commitment to her in the form of spousal support. WoooooooHOOOOO!! The moment she says “ I do” she becomes some one else’s problem. I’m giddy just thinking about it.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The truth

The truth is, every day has the potential to be your "worst day so far". I happen to have a lot of worst days. As a matter of fact, some of them congeal into worst weeks and elongate into worst months and finally constitute a worst year. I even have a worst decade (that would be the 80"s). So my quest here is to vent out why my life sucks so bad on a daily basis. I will inevitably go digging into my past with all the sad experiences that have made me the pitiful emissary of mediocrity that I am today. Kind of like flash backs, but smellier. More like flatulent backs. I don't mean to go off on a tangent, but I was a flatulent child and no one around me found it endearing or charming the way people are wont to do with cute little children. I wasn't cute. Not cute and smelly.
WOW, it sucked to be me. OK, still does, but that's why I'm writing this.
If you stumbled upon this little blog, feel free to share your worst day so far, or even your worst memory of your worst day so far. Be comforted in the fact that I will laugh at you, but only as one douche laughs at another, and it is meant in the nicest possible way and is meant to bond us together in inadequacy.